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Will You Add? - Writing Technique: The Restaurant Syndrome
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The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the e
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Your hero is sitting in a bar. He's thinking about things... life, death, taxes, the way he's being chased by a serial killer... whatever.
While he thinks, he sips his beer/Jim Beam/wine/etc.
Sip.
He thinks some more.
Sip.
He makes a casual comment to the barperson.
Sip.
He looks over his shoulder and sees the killer in the doorway and beats a hasty retreat to the men's.
Thank goodness. Because at least this means he leaves the darned drink behind!
Of course, the scene isn't written in quite such a bare-bones form as the one you see above. But the reader gets bored anyway. The problem is, the author hasn't made an effort to show the character doing something other than drinking. (Yes, I know that's probably why he's in the bar in the first place... but your job as the author is to think about what else he might be doing.)
Example
If Tony sits here for much longer without any action, we're likely to watch while he sips the beer, swallows the beer, and gulps the beer. He'll drain the glass; tilt the glass and stare into the amber depths; idly swish the liquid around in the glass... do I need go on?Tony sipped at his beer and thought about what to do next. The guy wasn't going to give up; that much was obvious. How come he knew so much? Where Tony worked, his weekend routine, his sister's address...
How the hell had he found out where Mandy lived? She'd only been there a month or so. He gulped down another mouthful of the beer. As though she hadn't suffered enough. Now this.
Of course, if he knew all that, he probably knew that this was where Tony came to drink, too. He could be out there right now, watching.
It was an effort not to turn and look towards the door. Instead, he tilted the glass and let the liquid flow down his throat. If he was out there, let him make the next move.
He caught the barman's eye, pointed a finger at the glass and nodded.
We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:
- in a bar or club drinking
- in a restaurant eating
- in a kitchen making & drinking coffee or tea
If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.
You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"
You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?
Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.
Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)
- Who else is there? What are they doing?
- What else is going on around the main character(s)?
- What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
- How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
- Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
- Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the e
Once you have built it you must advertise it. You don’t just put a website on the internet then sit back, because nobody knows it exists. You must promote it by advertising it. If you are selling cheeses, you could put advertisements in cheese magazines, or you could write articles about cheeses and submit them to article directories. Anyone interested in cheeses will search the directories and come across your articles with your website link on them.Once your visitor finds your site you could offer inducements to get their name and email address, such as a free seven part course on making their own cheese. Once you have their email address you
Example
If Tony sits here for much longer without any action, we're likely to watch while he sips the beer, swallows the beer, and gulps the beer. He'll drain the glass; tilt the glass and stare into the amber depths; idly swish the liquid around in the glass... do I need go on?Tony sipped at his beer and thought about what to do next. The guy wasn't going to give up; that much was obvious. How come he knew so much? Where Tony worked, his weekend routine, his sister's address...
How the hell had he found out where Mandy lived? She'd only been there a month or so. He gulped down another mouthful of the beer. As though she hadn't suffered enough. Now this.
Of course, if he knew all that, he probably knew that this was where Tony came to drink, too. He could be out there right now, watching.
It was an effort not to turn and look towards the door. Instead, he tilted the glass and let the liquid flow down his throat. If he was out there, let him make the next move.
He caught the barman's eye, pointed a finger at the glass and nodded.
We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:
- in a bar or club drinking
- in a restaurant eating
- in a kitchen making & drinking coffee or tea
If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.
You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"
You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?
Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.
Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)
- Who else is there? What are they doing?
- What else is going on around the main character(s)?
- What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
- How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
- Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
- Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the e
If you want to have a profitable online business, you need to have more web traffic than your competitors. If this is not the case you will not be able succeed in the online world. If you want to generate traffic you need to follow certain steps. First of all, the domain name you select if you are a new website should be related to the nature of your business. This increases your chances of getting picked up by the search engine when anyone performs a related search. Submit your website to the web directories. This will give you increased linkage. Also, submit your website to the search engines. This will increase your chances of becoming search engine fa
We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:
- in a bar or club drinking
- in a restaurant eating
- in a kitchen making & drinking coffee or tea
If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.
You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"
You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?
Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.
Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)
- Who else is there? What are they doing?
- What else is going on around the main character(s)?
- What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
- How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
- Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
- Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the e
In this article I discuss some of the common habits that speakers unknowingly exhibit while presenting, how to spot them, and ways to overcome them.Do you look at your watch to check the time? Time is extremely important when we are presenting. We don’t want to talk past our limit, but we do want to fill the time we are expected to fill. This causes many presenters to look at their watches continually. This causes the audience members to start looking at their watches and become more concerned with the passage of time than the important information we are trying to impart.There are several ways to work around this distractio
You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?
Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.
Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)
- Who else is there? What are they doing?
- What else is going on around the main character(s)?
- What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
- How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
- Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
- Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the e
Both Liquid Paper and Snugli were invented by moms as new solutions to old problems. Leveraging their ideas into successful products took different paths. Be smart about that business you’re cooking up at home.Liquid Paper was invented by Bette Nesmith Graham to fix the smudges she made trying to erase typing errors at work.After a divorce in the 1940s, she combined her commercial art background with the need to support herself and her small son Michael (later a member of the “Monkees” rock group) by devising the quick drying correcting fluid.Beginning with small batches in her blender, she gradually grew her business from her kitch
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the effort, the reader will be ready to lynch you.
- Do you have your characters continually talking over coffee?
- How many scenes are there in which you send your characters out to eat or drink?
We interact with our friends and families in many different ways. Next time you write a scene, try to steer away from the obvious. Look for details that will help you add depth to character, create humour or build suspense.
Not sure if you're guilty of 'the restaurant syndrome'?
Try this. Open up your word processor, access your story file and do a search for the following terms:
sip/sipped/drank/coffee/drinkIf you come up with 156 instances of the word 'drank' or 'sipped', you might be in trouble :-) Time for a rewrite...ate/forkful/bite/food
(c) Copyright Marg McAlister
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