se. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeez

Marriage is a three-ring circus....engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. Sorry, joke! But if the most recent divorce statistics are anything to go by, it is obviously based on fact. Nearly 47 per cent of all marriages in the UK now end in divorce. That is almost one in every two unions. Thirty- five years ago, more than two-thirds (68 per cent) of UK households were made up of married couples, but the latest figure is just over 38 per cent, and falling. In fact, 2005 saw the lowest number of marriages recorded since 1896. In just a few years the number of marriages have significantly dropped from 480,285 in 1972 to only 244,710 in 2005 (49% decline). Additionally, the proportion of people living together informally has risen to 25 per cent.

According to the writer, Paul Goodman, "If many marriages could simply let themselves dissolve after a few years, the partners would suddenly become brighter, rosier and younger”. This could probably explain why I often felt like a dried-up prune. My own marriage had obviously been going too long! The year 2002 marked 33 years together. Sadly, years which have moved into history rather than being celebratory. They didn’t always make me feel brighter or younger, though some were definitely rosier. The fact that we lasted that long is also a great mystery to everyone else.

Our union was a matrimonial dinosaur in an era of quickie relationships, quickie divorces, the advance of the career woman, the acceptance of infidelity as a virtuous act and the relentless increase in childhood trauma and screwed-up emotions. We came from hugely contrasting backgrounds and two different continents, with entirely different outlooks and personalities. United by a love of reggae, Bob Marley’s music, and being very independent individuals, we married across cultural boundaries in the 1960s when it was not fashionable to do so. Our union was thus problematic from day one. The real surprise is that we confounded all the experts who did not expect our interracial union to last too long.

Unrealistic Aims
However, contrary to the evidence of even longer partnerships, living happily ever after is an unrealistic ideal, given human nature, current emphasis on the individual and the multifarious distractions of our modern age. People marvel at the rising number of divorces, but, there are so many factors working against marriages now, it is a wonder there are any long-term unions at all! It might surprise couples to know that they are more victims than active provocateurs in any problematic relationship because the seal for their fate would have been set the day they set eyes on their partners. But that's another article!

Take the length of time people actually stay together, a key element in any relationship. It is really pointless beating yourself up because your marriage lasted only 12 years, for example. If you think about it logically, up to 60 years ago the mortality rate was just over 60 years. One hundred years back it was in the fifties and two hundred years before that you were lucky to be alive at 40. If you got married then, the vows were truly for life because you would be dead within 10 to 15 years! No one had time to get tired of their spouse. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeezi

iages could simply let themselves dissolve after a few years, the partners would suddenly become brighter, rosier and younger”. This could probably explain why I often felt like a dried-up prune. My own marriage had obviously been going too long! The year 2002 marked 33 years together. Sadly, years which have moved into history rather than being celebratory. They didn’t always make me feel brighter or younger, though some were definitely rosier. The fact that we lasted that long is also a great mystery to everyone else.

Our union was a matrimonial dinosaur in an era of quickie relationships, quickie divorces, the advance of the career woman, the acceptance of infidelity as a virtuous act and the relentless increase in childhood trauma and screwed-up emotions. We came from hugely contrasting backgrounds and two different continents, with entirely different outlooks and personalities. United by a love of reggae, Bob Marley’s music, and being very independent individuals, we married across cultural boundaries in the 1960s when it was not fashionable to do so. Our union was thus problematic from day one. The real surprise is that we confounded all the experts who did not expect our interracial union to last too long.

Unrealistic Aims
However, contrary to the evidence of even longer partnerships, living happily ever after is an unrealistic ideal, given human nature, current emphasis on the individual and the multifarious distractions of our modern age. People marvel at the rising number of divorces, but, there are so many factors working against marriages now, it is a wonder there are any long-term unions at all! It might surprise couples to know that they are more victims than active provocateurs in any problematic relationship because the seal for their fate would have been set the day they set eyes on their partners. But that's another article!

Take the length of time people actually stay together, a key element in any relationship. It is really pointless beating yourself up because your marriage lasted only 12 years, for example. If you think about it logically, up to 60 years ago the mortality rate was just over 60 years. One hundred years back it was in the fifties and two hundred years before that you were lucky to be alive at 40. If you got married then, the vows were truly for life because you would be dead within 10 to 15 years! No one had time to get tired of their spouse. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeez

unds and two different continents, with entirely different outlooks and personalities. United by a love of reggae, Bob Marley’s music, and being very independent individuals, we married across cultural boundaries in the 1960s when it was not fashionable to do so. Our union was thus problematic from day one. The real surprise is that we confounded all the experts who did not expect our interracial union to last too long.

Unrealistic Aims
However, contrary to the evidence of even longer partnerships, living happily ever after is an unrealistic ideal, given human nature, current emphasis on the individual and the multifarious distractions of our modern age. People marvel at the rising number of divorces, but, there are so many factors working against marriages now, it is a wonder there are any long-term unions at all! It might surprise couples to know that they are more victims than active provocateurs in any problematic relationship because the seal for their fate would have been set the day they set eyes on their partners. But that's another article!

Take the length of time people actually stay together, a key element in any relationship. It is really pointless beating yourself up because your marriage lasted only 12 years, for example. If you think about it logically, up to 60 years ago the mortality rate was just over 60 years. One hundred years back it was in the fifties and two hundred years before that you were lucky to be alive at 40. If you got married then, the vows were truly for life because you would be dead within 10 to 15 years! No one had time to get tired of their spouse. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeez

any long-term unions at all! It might surprise couples to know that they are more victims than active provocateurs in any problematic relationship because the seal for their fate would have been set the day they set eyes on their partners. But that's another article!

Take the length of time people actually stay together, a key element in any relationship. It is really pointless beating yourself up because your marriage lasted only 12 years, for example. If you think about it logically, up to 60 years ago the mortality rate was just over 60 years. One hundred years back it was in the fifties and two hundred years before that you were lucky to be alive at 40. If you got married then, the vows were truly for life because you would be dead within 10 to 15 years! No one had time to get tired of their spouse. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeez

se. Men, and even women, could look to enjoy two or three legitimate partners in their lifetime, if they made it to the age of 60 or beyond. So, being together solidly, and happily, for 10 years now is perhaps much better all round, and could even be a bonus to your health, rather than being unhappy and resentful for 20. A relationship, especially a bad one, affects everyone in the family and takes a huge toll on your life – and we all know that this life is not a rehearsal. It is the only one we’ve got. So spending it in miserable regret, resentment and longing is like looking a gift horse ungratefully in the mouth!

Pressures Squeezing Marriages
With divorces rapidly chasing marriages for equal parity, the institution of marriage is under real threat. There are too many pressures squeezing marriages from all sides for them to remain the best choice for future happiness, and many people are calling ‘time’. They are turning to the single life and cohabiting ‘sinfully’ instead. The bride may be beautiful, the ritual engaging and the ceremony lavish, but such ingredients are no guarantee of future bliss. In fact, there is almost an inverse correlation between the size and cost of the wedding and the length of time the relationship actually lasts, as shown by our example.

Twelve sceptical witnesses saw us pledge our love in a registry office in June 1969, followed by a shoestring celebration befitting the lowly economic state of a student nurse and a young technician who were very much in love. Our marriage then spanned 33 years, many of them loving, enjoyable and some downright delicious. Three of my friends, who spared no expense on their bash, called it a day many moons ago, averaging six years between them. Again, you can’t get more lavish than our royals, and look what happened to them! Perhaps there is too much emphasis on the ceremonial form and too little on the vital substance of co-existing together. Long marriages also echo a bygone age of quiet repression and authoritarian angst. The unions of today, as brief as they are, tend to be more reflective of the fickleness of human nature and the reality of modern life.