ember to be as nice as you can be when you give these answers. Be vague but truthful. Wal-Mart is out, right? And the cashier probably is someone he wouldn’t know, right? See? It may seem like a game but you’re not fibbing really. You’re just creating mystery.

Another effective technique to add to the above is to change something about yourself, like hair color or cut, new outfit, paint your nails, wear a new scent, grow a beard, etc.. They will notice in a heartbeat but don’t ever point it out yourself. Make them inquire if they want to know. And trust me, they do.

Most of the time, you will reach one of two outcomes. Either the marriage will end and you’re already that much further down the road to recovery. You’ve distanced yourself enough from them to begin healing and planning for your own future. Or, they will re-evaluate their situation and realize exactly what they are about to throw away. They get knocked off the fence, so to speak. Regardless of which option they choose (and remember that you have options as well) one thing is certain. It will help your own healing process by giving you a much needed boost of self-esteem exactly when you need it. It will help you pull back and evaluate the situation for what it really is and give you

Sometimes, going no contact with your wayward partner is the best approach. No contact means just that; no seeing each other in person, no talking on the phone, email, text, no messages through the children or others, no smoke signals, nothing. This is done for a few reasons but the most important are for the safety and healing of the betrayed partner as they try and regain control of their own lives. In addition, however, it seems to also have an effect on the wayward partner, causing them to see things through new eyes or perhaps it helps push them off the fence. There’s nothing more eye opening to a fence-sitter than having one of their options suddenly taken away. There he/she is, perched high up on their fence, studiously observing and comparing both sides, thinking that although they have a very big decision to make that will affect the rest of their lives, it’s really nice that they have so much time to weigh their options and make the correct choice. Well, imagine their surprise when suddenly you take away their safety net AND one of their options, all in one fell swoop! Here’s how it works:

First of all, no contact with your wayward partner isn’t the same as the no contact you expect from your wayward partner and his/her affair partner. That kind of no contact means exactly as it sounds…NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. This no contact is determined by the betrayed partner. In other words, you get to pick all the terms, ie. when, where, how, and content.

Second, don’t tell your wayward partner what your intentions are. This will most likely cause the entire plan to blow up in your face. They didn’t inform you they were going to cheat on you first, did they? Then put away those feelings of guilt!

The best way to implement this plan is to use caller ID as much as possible.

DO NOT answer their calls 75% of the time. If it doesn’t relate to the children or finances, don’t bother calling them back. Now, of course you want the children to have an active, healthy relationship with their other parent, so it’s okay if you answer the phone once in a while. It’s also okay to have your kids answer the phone directly when it’s their other parent calling just make sure you don’t let yourself be called to the phone. If you feel like it is placing the kids in the middle, then by all means MAKE YOURSELF BUSY INTENTIONALLY when you see their name flash across the caller ID. All it should take is a message to the child when they call you to the phone, “No, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please tell them you have my permission to take a message for me.” The point is to make yourself unavailable.

Remember, the next time you graciously decide to take their call, DO NOT discuss anything except the children and finances. No feelings should be discussed, especially from the betrayed partner. NONE. NONE. NONE. Got that? But please, by all means be as sweet as you can be. Be kind and caring but impersonal. Give no personal information about yourself. Answer their questions, say what you have to say, and hang up. That’s it. Don’t ever cry, beg, or show any negative emotion.

Now it’s time to set up a visitation schedule which most people do when separating or divorcing anyway. Try to make it at least one week night and alternate weekends. This also has multiple advantages. First, it gives you time to deal with the curveball you’ve been thrown. Not many people can face infidelity and not be deeply affected. You need time to take care of yourself so make sure you get it. It also gives them a chance to see what their life will soon be. They want a divorce? Well, then, let them experience what it will be like NOW.

But the most important part about this visitation schedule is this: You MUST make yourself unavailable to your wayward partner and the children during this time. When you don’t have your children, don’t answer the phone and try and not be home (or at least lay low so it gives the appearance you’re busy). It doesn’t matter if your plans are a trip to Wal-Mart for bug spray and toenail fungus spray. BE GONE AND UNAVAILABLE.

With almost certainty, your wayward partner will notice these changes in you and they begin to wonder and think. They see that you’ve crawled out of your pit of despair and are now pleasant and happy again. They see you being active and social. This makes them wonder what’s up. You will most likely begin to get questioned by them as they now are beginning to notice the changes. They might not be word for word, but they will most definitely be something similar to these:

How are you?
Where were you?
Who were you with?
What were you doing?

Now, here are the answers you need to use to make this exercise effective.

How are you? FINE (It’s important to not reciprocate their questions. Act like you don’t care.)
Where were you? OUT
Who were you with? NO ONE YOU WOULD KNOW
What were you doing? JUST STUFF. If they persist tell them: STUFF YOU AREN’T INTERESTED IN.

This creates a little mystery and turns the tables on them. Remember to be as nice as you can be when you give these answers. Be vague but truthful. Wal-Mart is out, right? And the cashier probably is someone he wouldn’t know, right? See? It may seem like a game but you’re not fibbing really. You’re just creating mystery.

Another effective technique to add to the above is to change something about yourself, like hair color or cut, new outfit, paint your nails, wear a new scent, grow a beard, etc.. They will notice in a heartbeat but don’t ever point it out yourself. Make them inquire if they want to know. And trust me, they do.

Most of the time, you will reach one of two outcomes. Either the marriage will end and you’re already that much further down the road to recovery. You’ve distanced yourself enough from them to begin healing and planning for your own future. Or, they will re-evaluate their situation and realize exactly what they are about to throw away. They get knocked off the fence, so to speak. Regardless of which option they choose (and remember that you have options as well) one thing is certain. It will help your own healing process by giving you a much needed boost of self-esteem exactly when you need it. It will help you pull back and evaluate the situation for what it really is and give you

f no contact means exactly as it sounds…NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. This no contact is determined by the betrayed partner. In other words, you get to pick all the terms, ie. when, where, how, and content.

Second, don’t tell your wayward partner what your intentions are. This will most likely cause the entire plan to blow up in your face. They didn’t inform you they were going to cheat on you first, did they? Then put away those feelings of guilt!

The best way to implement this plan is to use caller ID as much as possible.

DO NOT answer their calls 75% of the time. If it doesn’t relate to the children or finances, don’t bother calling them back. Now, of course you want the children to have an active, healthy relationship with their other parent, so it’s okay if you answer the phone once in a while. It’s also okay to have your kids answer the phone directly when it’s their other parent calling just make sure you don’t let yourself be called to the phone. If you feel like it is placing the kids in the middle, then by all means MAKE YOURSELF BUSY INTENTIONALLY when you see their name flash across the caller ID. All it should take is a message to the child when they call you to the phone, “No, I can’t come to the phone right now. Please tell them you have my permission to take a message for me.” The point is to make yourself unavailable.

Remember, the next time you graciously decide to take their call, DO NOT discuss anything except the children and finances. No feelings should be discussed, especially from the betrayed partner. NONE. NONE. NONE. Got that? But please, by all means be as sweet as you can be. Be kind and caring but impersonal. Give no personal information about yourself. Answer their questions, say what you have to say, and hang up. That’s it. Don’t ever cry, beg, or show any negative emotion.

Now it’s time to set up a visitation schedule which most people do when separating or divorcing anyway. Try to make it at least one week night and alternate weekends. This also has multiple advantages. First, it gives you time to deal with the curveball you’ve been thrown. Not many people can face infidelity and not be deeply affected. You need time to take care of yourself so make sure you get it. It also gives them a chance to see what their life will soon be. They want a divorce? Well, then, let them experience what it will be like NOW.

But the most important part about this visitation schedule is this: You MUST make yourself unavailable to your wayward partner and the children during this time. When you don’t have your children, don’t answer the phone and try and not be home (or at least lay low so it gives the appearance you’re busy). It doesn’t matter if your plans are a trip to Wal-Mart for bug spray and toenail fungus spray. BE GONE AND UNAVAILABLE.

With almost certainty, your wayward partner will notice these changes in you and they begin to wonder and think. They see that you’ve crawled out of your pit of despair and are now pleasant and happy again. They see you being active and social. This makes them wonder what’s up. You will most likely begin to get questioned by them as they now are beginning to notice the changes. They might not be word for word, but they will most definitely be something similar to these:

How are you?
Where were you?
Who were you with?
What were you doing?

Now, here are the answers you need to use to make this exercise effective.

How are you? FINE (It’s important to not reciprocate their questions. Act like you don’t care.)
Where were you? OUT
Who were you with? NO ONE YOU WOULD KNOW
What were you doing? JUST STUFF. If they persist tell them: STUFF YOU AREN’T INTERESTED IN.

This creates a little mystery and turns the tables on them. Remember to be as nice as you can be when you give these answers. Be vague but truthful. Wal-Mart is out, right? And the cashier probably is someone he wouldn’t know, right? See? It may seem like a game but you’re not fibbing really. You’re just creating mystery.

Another effective technique to add to the above is to change something about yourself, like hair color or cut, new outfit, paint your nails, wear a new scent, grow a beard, etc.. They will notice in a heartbeat but don’t ever point it out yourself. Make them inquire if they want to know. And trust me, they do.

Most of the time, you will reach one of two outcomes. Either the marriage will end and you’re already that much further down the road to recovery. You’ve distanced yourself enough from them to begin healing and planning for your own future. Or, they will re-evaluate their situation and realize exactly what they are about to throw away. They get knocked off the fence, so to speak. Regardless of which option they choose (and remember that you have options as well) one thing is certain. It will help your own healing process by giving you a much needed boost of self-esteem exactly when you need it. It will help you pull back and evaluate the situation for what it really is and give you

ave my permission to take a message for me.” The point is to make yourself unavailable.

Remember, the next time you graciously decide to take their call, DO NOT discuss anything except the children and finances. No feelings should be discussed, especially from the betrayed partner. NONE. NONE. NONE. Got that? But please, by all means be as sweet as you can be. Be kind and caring but impersonal. Give no personal information about yourself. Answer their questions, say what you have to say, and hang up. That’s it. Don’t ever cry, beg, or show any negative emotion.

Now it’s time to set up a visitation schedule which most people do when separating or divorcing anyway. Try to make it at least one week night and alternate weekends. This also has multiple advantages. First, it gives you time to deal with the curveball you’ve been thrown. Not many people can face infidelity and not be deeply affected. You need time to take care of yourself so make sure you get it. It also gives them a chance to see what their life will soon be. They want a divorce? Well, then, let them experience what it will be like NOW.

But the most important part about this visitation schedule is this: You MUST make yourself unavailable to your wayward partner and the children during this time. When you don’t have your children, don’t answer the phone and try and not be home (or at least lay low so it gives the appearance you’re busy). It doesn’t matter if your plans are a trip to Wal-Mart for bug spray and toenail fungus spray. BE GONE AND UNAVAILABLE.

With almost certainty, your wayward partner will notice these changes in you and they begin to wonder and think. They see that you’ve crawled out of your pit of despair and are now pleasant and happy again. They see you being active and social. This makes them wonder what’s up. You will most likely begin to get questioned by them as they now are beginning to notice the changes. They might not be word for word, but they will most definitely be something similar to these:

How are you?
Where were you?
Who were you with?
What were you doing?

Now, here are the answers you need to use to make this exercise effective.

How are you? FINE (It’s important to not reciprocate their questions. Act like you don’t care.)
Where were you? OUT
Who were you with? NO ONE YOU WOULD KNOW
What were you doing? JUST STUFF. If they persist tell them: STUFF YOU AREN’T INTERESTED IN.

This creates a little mystery and turns the tables on them. Remember to be as nice as you can be when you give these answers. Be vague but truthful. Wal-Mart is out, right? And the cashier probably is someone he wouldn’t know, right? See? It may seem like a game but you’re not fibbing really. You’re just creating mystery.

Another effective technique to add to the above is to change something about yourself, like hair color or cut, new outfit, paint your nails, wear a new scent, grow a beard, etc.. They will notice in a heartbeat but don’t ever point it out yourself. Make them inquire if they want to know. And trust me, they do.

Most of the time, you will reach one of two outcomes. Either the marriage will end and you’re already that much further down the road to recovery. You’ve distanced yourself enough from them to begin healing and planning for your own future. Or, they will re-evaluate their situation and realize exactly what they are about to throw away. They get knocked off the fence, so to speak. Regardless of which option they choose (and remember that you have options as well) one thing is certain. It will help your own healing process by giving you a much needed boost of self-esteem exactly when you need it. It will help you pull back and evaluate the situation for what it really is and give you

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