nlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage theWhen a couple get married they intend it to be 'happy ever after'. I don't believe anyone goes into marriage intending to get divorced. However, I do think there are four major reasons why so many marriages end up in the divorce courts.

1. Selfishness: quite simply, any relationship is one of give and take. In a marriage if both partners want what is best for their partner over and above what they want for themselves then there won't be bitter arguments and conflict. It's when we insist on having our own way that problems arise.

2. Lack of Communication: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.

3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage the

ship is one of give and take. In a marriage if both partners want what is best for their partner over and above what they want for themselves then there won't be bitter arguments and conflict. It's when we insist on having our own way that problems arise.

2. Lack of Communication: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.

3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage the

: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.

3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage the

guments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.

3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage the

nlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage then you are likely to be disappointed and disappointing. It's vital to discuss these sorts of issues before you decide to get married. Is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? While a broken engagement hurts it is far better than the hurt, acrimony and unpleasantness that could be caused by a divorce several years down the track.

4. Divorce is seen as an 'easy' answer: some people would say that divorce is far too easy these days. While it might be true that one can get divorced easily, the emotional turmoil, feelings of failure and detrimental effects on the children, make divorce anything but 'easy'.

Life will present challenges to every marriage at some time or another. This could be interfering in-laws, a sickly child or worse. However, if you have started out with shared values and goals; if you keep the communication channels open whatever happens; and if you unselfishly consider the other person first, then you will stay married and your marriage bond will have been strengthened by the challenges you have faced together.