s without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been p

Religion and spiritual expression can either bind people or free them from the shackles that have haunted them. Some time ago, a woman called me looking for a therapist. She wanted a Christian therapist. I indicated that I would be more than willing to see her, and if she had spiritual concerns I would be open to addressing them. After several minutes of exploration on her part, she asked, “Do you attend church every Sunday?” Unfortunately, I did not meet her criteria as a spiritual guide and as a result I did not meet the litmus test as a Christian counselor. One Christian client proceeded to share a litany of complaints about her husband, including verbal abuse, mood swings, and enduring her husband’s extramarital connection with another woman. She was fed up with him and decided to seek legal advice in order to pursue divorce proceedings. At her request, I provided her with spiritual insights as a part of my counseling process. However, the following week after our session, she called me and cancelled our appointment because her husband had found a good “biblical counselor” for both of them to visit and she consented.

This is religion at its worst. In my opinion, this type of belief orientation has nothing to do with spiritual growth and development. It had more to do with strict adherence to rules and beliefs that have been internalized without much thought. Many people would rather cling safely to their religious dogma, rather than give creative thought to ways of opening themselves to spiritual growth.

A young girl, who I have worked with in counseling, decided she needed some help with her religious thinking. This was a courageous step, since there was no room for wondering in her church tradition. Doubting religious beliefs was not an option in her denomination, and yet she had plenty of well thought-out questions. I believe that an authentic spiritual quest requires the examination of the pillars of our faith. In fact, questioning one’s faith traditions is a necessary ingredient in order to move us to a more mature level of faith development. Adolescence is a transitional period for such exploration. Most children may no longer be able to internalize their parent’s religious beliefs without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been pa

nselor. One Christian client proceeded to share a litany of complaints about her husband, including verbal abuse, mood swings, and enduring her husband’s extramarital connection with another woman. She was fed up with him and decided to seek legal advice in order to pursue divorce proceedings. At her request, I provided her with spiritual insights as a part of my counseling process. However, the following week after our session, she called me and cancelled our appointment because her husband had found a good “biblical counselor” for both of them to visit and she consented.

This is religion at its worst. In my opinion, this type of belief orientation has nothing to do with spiritual growth and development. It had more to do with strict adherence to rules and beliefs that have been internalized without much thought. Many people would rather cling safely to their religious dogma, rather than give creative thought to ways of opening themselves to spiritual growth.

A young girl, who I have worked with in counseling, decided she needed some help with her religious thinking. This was a courageous step, since there was no room for wondering in her church tradition. Doubting religious beliefs was not an option in her denomination, and yet she had plenty of well thought-out questions. I believe that an authentic spiritual quest requires the examination of the pillars of our faith. In fact, questioning one’s faith traditions is a necessary ingredient in order to move us to a more mature level of faith development. Adolescence is a transitional period for such exploration. Most children may no longer be able to internalize their parent’s religious beliefs without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been p

and she consented.

This is religion at its worst. In my opinion, this type of belief orientation has nothing to do with spiritual growth and development. It had more to do with strict adherence to rules and beliefs that have been internalized without much thought. Many people would rather cling safely to their religious dogma, rather than give creative thought to ways of opening themselves to spiritual growth.

A young girl, who I have worked with in counseling, decided she needed some help with her religious thinking. This was a courageous step, since there was no room for wondering in her church tradition. Doubting religious beliefs was not an option in her denomination, and yet she had plenty of well thought-out questions. I believe that an authentic spiritual quest requires the examination of the pillars of our faith. In fact, questioning one’s faith traditions is a necessary ingredient in order to move us to a more mature level of faith development. Adolescence is a transitional period for such exploration. Most children may no longer be able to internalize their parent’s religious beliefs without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been p

p, since there was no room for wondering in her church tradition. Doubting religious beliefs was not an option in her denomination, and yet she had plenty of well thought-out questions. I believe that an authentic spiritual quest requires the examination of the pillars of our faith. In fact, questioning one’s faith traditions is a necessary ingredient in order to move us to a more mature level of faith development. Adolescence is a transitional period for such exploration. Most children may no longer be able to internalize their parent’s religious beliefs without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been p

s without following a process of honest exploration of the concepts foundational to their faith. This process is a part of growing up. This is what separation and individuation are all about. That is, the honest grappling with difficult ideas passed down from parents or a house of worship and coming to an awareness about what appears to be true.

People who have an underdeveloped faith system feel the need to cling to strict guidelines and dogma to maintain a sense of security. They never venture out to question or challenge beliefs that have been passed down to them. They unreservedly believe certain ideas even though they may be in conflict with their knowledge or experience. Many of my clients have been told by spiritual leaders that there is a simple answer for every problem. It would be nice if complex issues could be solved with a simplistic notion, but they can’t. People who are looking for easy answers may ultimately be disillusioned because the perfect response is not forthcoming. Guilt and disappointment may follow.

Often, people believe you must have a religious answer for every human dilemma. However, easy answers often take the mystery out of life. I tell my patients who question certain religious beliefs to wonder in self-reflection, “I believe this idea to be true, but I don’t know for sure.” Sometimes we are unable to reconcile our beliefs with our personal reality. Our beliefs may imply one thing and our experience may tell us something else. Learning to live with spiritual ambiguity is necessary if we are to move forward in our faith development. Rather than live with the tension created by living with ambiguity and paradox, some of us try to fit our conflicting reality into a tidy system of beliefs. One may feel safer protecting our beliefs from reality, but is not healthy and honest. This attempt at reconciliation leads to more conflict and confusion. We may even become angry, retorting, “Why do I see things so differently from the way I was taught to believe - I feel duped.”

Living with paradox, ambiguity, and polarities is a necessary function if we are to stay spiritually reality-based. We must hold everything in tension. People sometimes complain that they wish that they could go back to the days when problems appeared more black and white. However, there is no going back. As John Dean exclaimed during the Watergate hearings, once you make things conscious “you can squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, but you can’t get it back in again.” One must live with all of the struggles that go with facing our experience without distorting it.