To Blame or Not To Blame
“A man can fall many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.” (John Burroughs)“Fire her, she set me up!” John yelled quite loudly. He was incredibly angry and for good reason. However, he was really angry at the wrong person. What he was really saying was to himself, “Fire me, I set me up!” He was holding the wrong person accountable for his unethical choices.Indeed John was set up. However, it was John’s choice to enter into the trap. She did not force him; she had no position of power to coerce him. All she did was to flirt with him and he, the manager, stepped over the boundary and entered into an u

Shades of Grey
A paperweight sits on my desk, etched in silver the message: Life isn't always black and white. It serves as a reminder there are few absolutes at work (or in life). Yet, it would be easier if there were; if good ideas from bad, trustworthy people from non-trustworthy, and right paths from the wrong ones could easily be discerned. I've learned in twenty years in management that increasing one's perspective increases the grey, as words like always and never become obsolete for describing most situations and most people.I slipped on my comfortable navy blue Crocks and walked extremely fast to our neighbor's home to pick up my son. Even though it was a bit after 5:30PM, darkness had completely fallen across the area. I brought a special treat for my son, a piece of candied ginger. His face lit up like a beacon when he saw this spicy treasure. When I asked Ian what he wanted to do for dinner he said, "Go with Daddy to get some sushi." This nascent father and son ritual started a few weeks ago when Ian had asked me what I did that particular day. I told him, "Daddy had a speaking job and then got some sushi for lunch." He immediately said, "I want to get some sushi," the 'ssses' in both some and sushi commingling into a single three-year old word.

I pointed out a new Japanese restaurant last night and he said, "not that one." He wanted to go to the restaurant where we went the first time. I said, "It's nice to try different restaurants and besides this one has fish in a tank (not men in a bank)." My explanation sounding like the first page of a "Dr. Seuss" book. Ian said, "Let's go and see the fish in the tank!" The fish were a good distraction while we were waiting for our order. I have to give Ian credit; he ate two pieces of California Roll (cooked crab and avocado). As I was eating a piece of sushi, Ian used his child-friendly chopsticks and picked up what he said was a piece of avocado. He put a small dollop of wasabi into his mouth instead of avocado and immediately got this petrified look on his face. His lower jaw dropped open while his lips snapped tightly shut; his whole body shook while his eyes watered for a few seconds. I wore the mixed emotions of horror and humor, not quite sure what to do. Ian then grabbed his plastic water cup and literally sucked down the entire contents through the straw. He looked up at me, paused for a moment, and said, "Spicy."

When I told my wife about our experience, she was laughing out loud. She asked Ian if he wanted to go with Daddy again to get sushi sometime and he said, "Uh ha!" My wife commented that this is becoming our one thing or as I said earlier, our ritual. Having one main thing on which to focus when we eat will help my three-year old to remember key moments of his childhood. We also have a one-workout thing when we exercise. I strap him into the copilot seat on the back of my mountain bike and zoom down the Capital Crescent Trail to Georgetown while Ian yells, "Faster Daddy, Faster." According to Masaru Emoto, the author of "The True Power of Water," everything has a unique vibration or that one thing that resonates with somebody else. He said, "Our mind and body are affected by this depending on what intrinsic vibration we resonate with. In human relations, we often say we are or we are not on the same wavelength with someone."

When I work with executives to improve their communication power, my challenge is to find that one thing that resonates with them. Why do I want to pick one thing? I can and do give executives a small shopping list of major and minor items that they do well and others that need improvement through multiple speaking rehearsals. However, I say that they ought to start with this one thing first. Giving too many solutions at one time will paralyze progress. Recently I worked with six different executives and gave them each of them one thing upon which they could improve such as, relax, appearance, presence, personal stories, pause for power and weave key messages.

Relax - work out before you speak, practice deep breathing or even get a massage. Relaxing will slow down the pace of your presentation and allow you to work in more of a quality message.

Appearance - when your match your outward appearance (keeping in mind the theme) with how you feel inside, you are more congruent and will have more communication power.

Presence - having more presence through the proper use of body language might mean being conscious of where you are standing. Being closer to the audience communicates more passion. It is being aware of what you are doing and its meaning.

Personal Stories -

nted to go to the restaurant where we went the first time. I said, "It's nice to try different restaurants and besides this one has fish in a tank (not men in a bank)." My explanation sounding like the first page of a "Dr. Seuss" book. Ian said, "Let's go and see the fish in the tank!" The fish were a good distraction while we were waiting for our order. I have to give Ian credit; he ate two pieces of California Roll (cooked crab and avocado). As I was eating a piece of sushi, Ian used his child-friendly chopsticks and picked up what he said was a piece of avocado. He put a small dollop of wasabi into his mouth instead of avocado and immediately got this petrified look on his face. His lower jaw dropped open while his lips snapped tightly shut; his whole body shook while his eyes watered for a few seconds. I wore the mixed emotions of horror and humor, not quite sure what to do. Ian then grabbed his plastic water cup and literally sucked down the entire contents through the straw. He looked up at me, paused for a moment, and said, "Spicy."

When I told my wife about our experience, she was laughing out loud. She asked Ian if he wanted to go with Daddy again to get sushi sometime and he said, "Uh ha!" My wife commented that this is becoming our one thing or as I said earlier, our ritual. Having one main thing on which to focus when we eat will help my three-year old to remember key moments of his childhood. We also have a one-workout thing when we exercise. I strap him into the copilot seat on the back of my mountain bike and zoom down the Capital Crescent Trail to Georgetown while Ian yells, "Faster Daddy, Faster." According to Masaru Emoto, the author of "The True Power of Water," everything has a unique vibration or that one thing that resonates with somebody else. He said, "Our mind and body are affected by this depending on what intrinsic vibration we resonate with. In human relations, we often say we are or we are not on the same wavelength with someone."

When I work with executives to improve their communication power, my challenge is to find that one thing that resonates with them. Why do I want to pick one thing? I can and do give executives a small shopping list of major and minor items that they do well and others that need improvement through multiple speaking rehearsals. However, I say that they ought to start with this one thing first. Giving too many solutions at one time will paralyze progress. Recently I worked with six different executives and gave them each of them one thing upon which they could improve such as, relax, appearance, presence, personal stories, pause for power and weave key messages.

Relax - work out before you speak, practice deep breathing or even get a massage. Relaxing will slow down the pace of your presentation and allow you to work in more of a quality message.

Appearance - when your match your outward appearance (keeping in mind the theme) with how you feel inside, you are more congruent and will have more communication power.

Presence - having more presence through the proper use of body language might mean being conscious of where you are standing. Being closer to the audience communicates more passion. It is being aware of what you are doing and its meaning.

Personal Stories -

ixed emotions of horror and humor, not quite sure what to do. Ian then grabbed his plastic water cup and literally sucked down the entire contents through the straw. He looked up at me, paused for a moment, and said, "Spicy."

When I told my wife about our experience, she was laughing out loud. She asked Ian if he wanted to go with Daddy again to get sushi sometime and he said, "Uh ha!" My wife commented that this is becoming our one thing or as I said earlier, our ritual. Having one main thing on which to focus when we eat will help my three-year old to remember key moments of his childhood. We also have a one-workout thing when we exercise. I strap him into the copilot seat on the back of my mountain bike and zoom down the Capital Crescent Trail to Georgetown while Ian yells, "Faster Daddy, Faster." According to Masaru Emoto, the author of "The True Power of Water," everything has a unique vibration or that one thing that resonates with somebody else. He said, "Our mind and body are affected by this depending on what intrinsic vibration we resonate with. In human relations, we often say we are or we are not on the same wavelength with someone."

When I work with executives to improve their communication power, my challenge is to find that one thing that resonates with them. Why do I want to pick one thing? I can and do give executives a small shopping list of major and minor items that they do well and others that need improvement through multiple speaking rehearsals. However, I say that they ought to start with this one thing first. Giving too many solutions at one time will paralyze progress. Recently I worked with six different executives and gave them each of them one thing upon which they could improve such as, relax, appearance, presence, personal stories, pause for power and weave key messages.

Relax - work out before you speak, practice deep breathing or even get a massage. Relaxing will slow down the pace of your presentation and allow you to work in more of a quality message.

Appearance - when your match your outward appearance (keeping in mind the theme) with how you feel inside, you are more congruent and will have more communication power.

Presence - having more presence through the proper use of body language might mean being conscious of where you are standing. Being closer to the audience communicates more passion. It is being aware of what you are doing and its meaning.

Personal Stories -

g to Masaru Emoto, the author of "The True Power of Water," everything has a unique vibration or that one thing that resonates with somebody else. He said, "Our mind and body are affected by this depending on what intrinsic vibration we resonate with. In human relations, we often say we are or we are not on the same wavelength with someone."

When I work with executives to improve their communication power, my challenge is to find that one thing that resonates with them. Why do I want to pick one thing? I can and do give executives a small shopping list of major and minor items that they do well and others that need improvement through multiple speaking rehearsals. However, I say that they ought to start with this one thing first. Giving too many solutions at one time will paralyze progress. Recently I worked with six different executives and gave them each of them one thing upon which they could improve such as, relax, appearance, presence, personal stories, pause for power and weave key messages.

Relax - work out before you speak, practice deep breathing or even get a massage. Relaxing will slow down the pace of your presentation and allow you to work in more of a quality message.

Appearance - when your match your outward appearance (keeping in mind the theme) with how you feel inside, you are more congruent and will have more communication power.

Presence - having more presence through the proper use of body language might mean being conscious of where you are standing. Being closer to the audience communicates more passion. It is being aware of what you are doing and its meaning.

Personal Stories -

six different executives and gave them each of them one thing upon which they could improve such as, relax, appearance, presence, personal stories, pause for power and weave key messages.

Relax - work out before you speak, practice deep breathing or even get a massage. Relaxing will slow down the pace of your presentation and allow you to work in more of a quality message.

Appearance - when your match your outward appearance (keeping in mind the theme) with how you feel inside, you are more congruent and will have more communication power.

Presence - having more presence through the proper use of body language might mean being conscious of where you are standing. Being closer to the audience communicates more passion. It is being aware of what you are doing and its meaning.

Personal Stories - signature stories that characterize a speaker will get you remembered. Try coming up with 2-3 signature stories, which take anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 minutes. For added power, tie your personal stories to the key messages.

Pause for Power - using the um's and other 'filler' words takes away from communication effectiveness. Replace the filler words with silence. When you pause for power, you will be perceived as more confident and subsequently more effective.

Weave Key Messages - take your key themes and weave them through your presentation and then through each section. Remember take your theme, tie it to a story or a point and then tell the audience why it is important to them.

Picking one item from above and really showing improvement will help to increase your communication power. It's going to be much easier to pick one than to try all six at the same time. Plus you will see results in one area more quickly and this will give you the necessary motivation to continue to improve on your speaking. Warning, you will need to try different sushi restaurants to determine their degree of spiciness.