Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more lik

What do you do when your supervisor's interest in the truth takes a backseat to her interest in saving her own neck? If a situation comes up where somebody has to be sacrificed because a mistake was made, she won't hesitate to throw you to the wolves. So what can you do here? Let's look at the options.

I'm sure part of you is sorely tempted to talk to her about her lying. You'd love to tell her, for example, that she did not assign you that job that didn't get done, and you'd love to tell her that you'd appreciate her not blaming you for mistakes that are her fault. That sounds like such a reasonable response on your part, doesn't it? But take a good look at the situation here. The only reason people lie is that they're empty and afraid. They're protecting themselves. They're drowning. If you talk to her like we just discussed, essentially you'd be saying to her, "When you're drowning (emotionally and professionally), please don't move your arms and legs around in a way that would splash the water on anyone around you—especially me. Instead I'd appreciate it if you'd just quietly slip under the water."

You're asking her to stop protecting herself when she's afraid. Impossible. Drowning people can think only of themselves. They are so desperate that really they suffer from a kind of insanity, and any attempt to discuss their behavior with them rarely goes well.

So now what? This woman behaves as she does only because she doesn't feel loved. When someone questions her about a mistake, she feels compelled to defend herself, which includes lying. She absolutely cannot admit being wrong, because that would make her even more unlovable than she already is, and that would be intolerable. She has to lie in order to keep people from withdrawing their approval—their love—from her.

You can't ask her to stop the only behavior that protects her. So what can you do? You could give her what she really wants, which is to feel loved.

Now, I realize it sounds a little strange to talk about loving someone at work, but there are so many ways you could do that.

First, your natural reaction when she lies to you is to respond with roughly the same behaviors she uses with you. You tend to treat her like a liar. You avoid her. You're irritated with her. When you see that she is just drowning, you'll be able to stop seeing her as a monster and stop reacting to her as one.

Second, treat her like a friend. Just be friendlier to her. Don't avoid her. Smile at her every time you see her. Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more lik

onse on your part, doesn't it? But take a good look at the situation here. The only reason people lie is that they're empty and afraid. They're protecting themselves. They're drowning. If you talk to her like we just discussed, essentially you'd be saying to her, "When you're drowning (emotionally and professionally), please don't move your arms and legs around in a way that would splash the water on anyone around you—especially me. Instead I'd appreciate it if you'd just quietly slip under the water."

You're asking her to stop protecting herself when she's afraid. Impossible. Drowning people can think only of themselves. They are so desperate that really they suffer from a kind of insanity, and any attempt to discuss their behavior with them rarely goes well.

So now what? This woman behaves as she does only because she doesn't feel loved. When someone questions her about a mistake, she feels compelled to defend herself, which includes lying. She absolutely cannot admit being wrong, because that would make her even more unlovable than she already is, and that would be intolerable. She has to lie in order to keep people from withdrawing their approval—their love—from her.

You can't ask her to stop the only behavior that protects her. So what can you do? You could give her what she really wants, which is to feel loved.

Now, I realize it sounds a little strange to talk about loving someone at work, but there are so many ways you could do that.

First, your natural reaction when she lies to you is to respond with roughly the same behaviors she uses with you. You tend to treat her like a liar. You avoid her. You're irritated with her. When you see that she is just drowning, you'll be able to stop seeing her as a monster and stop reacting to her as one.

Second, treat her like a friend. Just be friendlier to her. Don't avoid her. Smile at her every time you see her. Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more lik

They are so desperate that really they suffer from a kind of insanity, and any attempt to discuss their behavior with them rarely goes well.

So now what? This woman behaves as she does only because she doesn't feel loved. When someone questions her about a mistake, she feels compelled to defend herself, which includes lying. She absolutely cannot admit being wrong, because that would make her even more unlovable than she already is, and that would be intolerable. She has to lie in order to keep people from withdrawing their approval—their love—from her.

You can't ask her to stop the only behavior that protects her. So what can you do? You could give her what she really wants, which is to feel loved.

Now, I realize it sounds a little strange to talk about loving someone at work, but there are so many ways you could do that.

First, your natural reaction when she lies to you is to respond with roughly the same behaviors she uses with you. You tend to treat her like a liar. You avoid her. You're irritated with her. When you see that she is just drowning, you'll be able to stop seeing her as a monster and stop reacting to her as one.

Second, treat her like a friend. Just be friendlier to her. Don't avoid her. Smile at her every time you see her. Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more lik

n you do? You could give her what she really wants, which is to feel loved.

Now, I realize it sounds a little strange to talk about loving someone at work, but there are so many ways you could do that.

First, your natural reaction when she lies to you is to respond with roughly the same behaviors she uses with you. You tend to treat her like a liar. You avoid her. You're irritated with her. When you see that she is just drowning, you'll be able to stop seeing her as a monster and stop reacting to her as one.

Second, treat her like a friend. Just be friendlier to her. Don't avoid her. Smile at her every time you see her. Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more lik

Talk to her. Look her directly in the eye when you talk. Right now you would tend not to do that, because you don't like her. She'll soak all this up like a sponge.

Third, offer to help her with little things that you know are a burden to her. You know what I'm talking about: the jobs she hates and that nobody volunteers to help her with. When somebody's drowning, they don't need hugs and kisses. They need a helping hand, and that's what you'll be offering. Simple.

Fourth, when she lies about you, don't defend yourself. The instant you do that, she perceives it as an attack, and then she feels less loved and will be more likely to lie about you in the future.

The more you do all these things—the more you love her—the more you'll see two results:

First, you will feel happier. No matter what she does, when you're more loving, you always feel happier. Loving is just a happier way to live. Period.

Second, she'll be less likely to lie about you. Think about it. If you feel loved by me, and you don't feel loved by someone else, who would you be more likely to lie about, me or the other person? We tend not to lie about the people who care about us.

As you love your supervisor, you'll find everything becomes easier with her, because it's always about Real Love.